Support - humans can be cruel, let's counter with compassion, kindness and support

 

By Chief Editor and Blog Manager- Amanda-Jane Turner

Have you ever thought about how cruel humans can be to each other? Why can't we build each other up, be a source of inspiration and treat each other with kindness?

I was walking home from the station last week and a memory flicked across my mind, from a long time ago.  Reflecting on the incident I know it was only a small thing, but the memory of the hurt, and my bewilderment over what was said to me, has stayed with me for over thirty years. 

So, make a cuppa, and sit down with me while I tell you all about it.

source unknown

It was 1988, I was at university studying music, a typical perfectionist and study nerd, I did not have many friends and even less self esteem. I was in second year, and it was a late evening of compulsory orchestra practice. I was packing away my music when a first year that I had never spoken to before came up to me. We were all rushing to pack up and go home as practice had gone on really late, yet she made a point of putting her instrument and music down, maneuvering through the milling students, and coming up to me. 

I recall greeting her happily, thinking she was being friendly, and so I enthusiastically asked how she enjoyed orchestra class and then introduced myself. She however seemed to know who I was because she didn't respond to me but instead just looked me up and down, sneered, and said, 'your brother taught me at high school last year. He is really cool, attractive and popular, you are nothing like him I can't believe you are related'. 

Then she walked away.

Okay, it was nothing. Just words. Who cares. seriously it was three decades ago!

So why do I recall it still, with the same sadness and confusion I felt when it was said to me all those years ago?

• because it hurt.
• because I had never done anything to this girl and she went out of her way to hurt me,
• because I felt confused and sad.
• because it made me hate myself even more than I did.
• because it was unnecessary, nasty, unsupportive and downright cruel.

So back to my questions, have you ever thought about how cruel humans can be to each other? Why can't we build each other up, be a source of inspiration and treat each other with kindness?

It was only one of the countless times a peer, at school, university, or work, had been nasty to me, verbally or physically bullied me, or ridiculed me, over the first thirty years of my life. However this incident that I recall with pain was worthwhile even though it hurt. 

Do you know why?   

Because it taught me to NEVER treat ANYONE badly. EVER.

Thank you to all those who bullied me, sneered at me and treated me like something disgusting they had stood on. 

• Because of them I have compassion.
• Because of them I seek to inspire and motivate others.
• Because of them I seek to build up and support people.
• Because of them I can hold my head up high and know that the thoughts of nasty people do not count, as I have the respect of amazing people worth so many times more than the bullies I have encountered over the years.

Why am I sharing this with you all in the Australian Women in Security Network?

Because I believe it is important that we support, motivate and inspire each other and I wanted you all to see how much harm a short but negative interaction can have on someone, decades later.  I wanted to show you all why we need to focus on the positive and be there for each other, with compassion and kindness.

As proud members of the Australian Women in Security Network lets lead the way to being supportive and kind to all we encounter. Let's always work towards Connecting, Supporting, Collaborating  and Inspiring each other in our professional and personal lives.

(c) AWSN 2018

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author/s and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any agency, organisation or association.

On Writing

By Kristine Sihto

“Once upon a time, there was a girl. That girl dreamed of being a writer…” I have always liked words. As a child, I had a stammer. Not enough for my parents to ever worry, but enough for me to hear my own voice and feel constantly ashamed. It was different when I wrote. On paper, there was no hesitation. No repeated consonants at the beginning of a word, no grasping for words that would never come to my lips – I could be eloquent and graceful and smart on the page. When I was introduced to poetry in high school, I flourished. Adding deliberate structure into those words was like a dance. I could craft my words to mimic the ebbs and flows of water or the crackling flames of fire, use sibilance to sigh the wind’s whispers or rhythm to push the beat of a heart. I knew that I wanted to write. There was never an inkling that I would become a technical writer, however. Facts, I thought, were dull and dry; I wanted to be Tolkien or Blyton. I wanted to be Blake or Wright or Cummings. I wanted to fill the world with rhythm and language that would turn the head and speak to the heart. It turns out that writing is hard without motivation. It takes effort and commitment to get up and write thousands of words a day with no solid incentive. The drive that I maintained as a teen to write every day was slowly eroded by rejection letters and competing priorities, like dishwashing and children and television. The works-in-progress piled up as new ideas were born before the old ones had reached completion, and suddenly I was in my 40s and still dreaming that someday I would be a writer. My break back into writing was a series of lucky events. A chance conversation put me into a professional editing role, and a few years later, another chance conversation found me in a technical writer’s position, in an industry I’d never considered before. That industry is Information Security. Older eyes see that while there is a hazy, elusive value in the work that I dreamed of in my younger days, being able to explain facts on paper has solid worth. We communicate in written words: in policy, in reports, in emails, over the Internet. Clarity is essential. I used to say that I could write anything I could understand. My role as a technical writer has forced me to revisit that idea. I research as I write, and often, as I am writing about something, I am learning it for the first time. It is poetry again, fitting concepts that are new to me into the structure of sentences, identifying the nouns and verbs and adjectives and making them flow in meaningful ways. I now see that I can understand anything that I can write. I no longer need to feel I can speak to the heart, so long as the head hears me.

About the author - Kristine Sihto has been writing intermittently over the past three decades. Most recently, she has found joy in technical writing for Alcorn Security Group. Kristine has plans to self-publish a book of poetry in 2018

(c) AWSN 2017

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author/s and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any agency, organisation or association.

Announcing our new Article Series - Support through Sharing

 

The Australian Women in Security Network (AWSN) aims to connect, support, collaborate and inspire. This official blog of the AWSN is a vehicle to further those aims. To that end we are proud to announce a new interview article series Support through Sharing. The articles feature profiles of a variety of people, men and women, in security or in the peripherals of the industry, sharing their stories and exploring the human experience, to support others.

These articles, based on interviews with a variety of people, will be published over the next few months. When you read the articles you may relate to what the person has said in the interview or the responses may cause you to stop and think and refocus on what matters most to you. You may have a laugh, feel inspired or feel motivated.

Feel free to comment on any of the interviews, and as always please do so in a respectful spirit of collaboration and support.

 This post has been created by A Turner on behalf of AWSN. 

(c) AWSN 2017

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author/s and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any agency, organisation or association.

A Singapore Sling

by Samantha Humphrey

A change is actually as good as a holiday

At 45 years of age and a mother of 3 gorgeous girls, leaving the country I grew up in, the city I love, my beloved rugby league team and those aforementioned kids to take on a new career challenge wasn’t something I thought I would ever consider let alone actually do. But I did.

Like many of us have, I was experiencing a really tough time, I ‘fell over’ so to speak and was just picking myself up to even starat dusting myself off when I received an email about a role that someone had recommended me for. That someone had put my name forward and felt I would be a good fit and I guess the rest is history.

So, after getting through the myriad of interviews with both Australian, Brazilian and Singapore based Leadership members, I was to my disbelief – ON MY WAY to Singapore to live and work. I had 3 weeks to pack up my life and I had never even been to Singapore to holiday let alone what I was about to do….and never mind the kids, what on earth would I do with my baby dachshund puppy (His name is Bear and I am slightly obsessed with him)?

I’ve been here 6 months now, without my kids. I have travelled back twice for short weekends, but I’m here and at 45 (nearly 46) I am still learning, I am still growing and I am still a chick with an overriding passion for all facets of Financial Crime Management that’s now been completely re- invigorated by the environment here in Asia.

I am learning new cultures, meeting incredible people, travelling to amazing places and mastering the western blonde hair versus humidity challenges faced here – it’s a daily struggle and one that I don’t seem to be winning.

The hardest part for me, was believing in myself. I had lost so much confidence in myself as a person over the previous 2 years that I doubted every step I took. I specifically doubted the decision to leave my children (Twin girls 12 and my oldest girl 19) I think upon landing here in Singapore I cried almost every day over my children and my heart actually ached. I considered going home until I received a message from one of my younger children, my daughter Lili.

I had messaged my daughters one evening, sobbing over Facebook and severely homesick. I was about 2 months in to this journey, and I had sent a message to tell them I was sorry for leaving them. I never expected that what I got back would completely change my outlook and give me the courage I needed.

One of my youngest responded first, her words –‘Mum, we miss you, that’s for sure, BUT you have raised strong independent girls, not sooks and you make us proud with what you are doing. We are okay and we will we see you as often as we can, we want you to be happy, we love you and we are okay as long as you are okay, you’ve always taught  us that…go for it, you deserve it! (Followed by about 58 emoji love hearts and kissy faces) – I cried for 2 hours after reading that. The other two daughters said almost the exact same thing in their responses.

What was I doubting and why was I doubting it? It was the limitations I had placed on myself. That’s all it was. And If I didn’t start to peel off those limitations this might all have been for nothing.

You might be asking why I left my daughters at home. The answer isn’t a simple one but at the same time it is. My husband and I had separated 18months prior. He is an amazing father, he is an amazing support and an amazing human being, my daughters had their school, their friends and their lives and after discussing the opportunity with them, getting their full and unconditional support, my ex-husband and my children convinced me that this is what I needed, what I needed to get back on my feet and what I needed to be able to return stronger than ever and you know what? They were right.

Am I still experiencing conflict over that part of the decision? Yes, at times, but living and working here in Singapore and travelling the globe for my clients is not just for me, it’s for my family too. My daughters aspire to be something more. They tell me that. My daughters tell me that they are proud of me. They tell their friends with pride that their Mum lives and works in Singapore and that they now have this awesome place to come visit whenever they want and that their Mum does this fraud stuff that stops  money being stolen…..They make me strong.

So I’m here and that’s the short of it. I love it here. I love the people, the food, the shopping and the home that I have started to build here. The way that the cultures combine here to work is incredible. Business is done a little differently and although there are Expat Clubs and self-help websites for expats like me, I’m finding out for myself. It’s more interesting this way.

Financial crime is financial crime, no matter where you are. Business and culture is where the challenges are and this is what keeps me engaged. It’s brilliant. Having to work differently, live differently and understand the emerging opportunities and challenges is where the heart starts racing for me….and it hadn’t raced for quite a while.

So, each day, I figure out what anti-humidity product will go in the hair to get it through to at least 10am before it flops, and I look forward to seeing what the day throws at me. Singapore is a beautiful place and it has a rather chilled essence in my opinion. There’s no real need to rush unless you feel like it. I’ve noticed a ‘hurry up and wait’ culture in places, but it’s almost charming. I’ve also noticed that no one cares that I’m a woman. I’m good at what I do and I get it done, that’s all that matters to people here. People here don’t care if you don’t know, they help you. They are happy to help and never make you feel less because you don’t understand something.

And lastly, I’m starting to realise that I will be okay and because I will be okay, my kids will be okay too. I could earn all the money in the world, have the greatest title, the most beautiful home, cars and all the trimmings but my greatest success story are my daughters and their strength as young women in the world we deal with today. So if you are ever in Singapore, drop me a line, I’d love to show you around!

This post has been written by Samantha Humphrey who graciously provided her time to contribute to the AWSN blog.

Samantha started with ACI Worldwide in July 2016, moving to Singapore to work closely with customers in Asia. Samantha comes to ACI with 15+ years of experience in the Financial Crime Management area and has a real passion for the fight against financial crime.

Samantha commenced her career in fraud with telecommunications company, Vodafone, developing the monitoring of fraudulent connections, managing identity fraud matters and has gone on to roles including Manager of Fraud Risk ANZ Bank Global, developing the Banks first truly global fraud risk management strategy, Manager AML and CTF for Price Waterhouse Coopers, Fraud and Financial Crime Domain Lead for analytics giant, SAS and Financial Crime Services, Systems Transformation Manager for National Australia Bank.

Samantha has developed global fraud awareness training programs for Bank Financial Institutions as well as fraud awareness and education for customers. Her work has also included writing lectures for Queensland University and supporting her customers in the development of their Financial Crime Management Strategies and associated technology paths.

 This post has been written by Samantha Humphrey & published by A Turner on behalf of AWSN. 

(c) AWSN 2016